Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
