well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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