there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
