I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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