We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
