singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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