Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
