Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
