dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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