Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
