omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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