Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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