i love accidental penises.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
