this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
