You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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