The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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