I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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