I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
