Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
