he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
