i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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