fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
