No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
