i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
