you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
