its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
