ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
