I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
