No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
