Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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