In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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