I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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