im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
