So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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