How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
