there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
