Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
