I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
