The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
