i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
