Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
