the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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