How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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