I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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