Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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