I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
