you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
