it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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