I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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