sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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