This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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