I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
