Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
