whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
