DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
